This is an excerpt of one of the daily devotionals for our marriage/relationship series at church. Be challenged to speak intentionally with your spouse.
If you read the story of Adam and Eve in Genesis 2, you see something very interesting when Adam is first introduced to his new wife. Adam sees Eve for the first time and he immediately breaks out into poetry. He says, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘Woman’ because she was taken out of man.” (Genesis 2:23) Adam has this incredibly intimate moment with his wife and sees her true, unbridled beauty. It causes such deep emotion to well up in him that he begins to write poetry. Even Eve’s name comes out of his song! It is intimate, true and deep.
In the X-rated part of the Bible (Song of Solomon), the two lovers exchange explicit songs to declare their love for each other. (If you don’t believe me that it’s X-rated, go read it with your spouse…you can thank me for what happens next!) These two lovers are so enamored with each other that it wells up into a love song! It’s like Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton singing “Islands in the Stream.”
Your marriage relationship is (read: should be) different than any other relationship in your life. Your spouse should know what makes you tick. He or she should understand you intimately. That is more than sexually. They should know your deepest fears, wildest dreams, greatest expectations and the depths of who you are as a person. If you have baggage, your spouse is the one who helps you unpack it. It’s not meant to be kept to yourself. You’re supposed to share it, not hold it in.
When God looked upon Adam, before He created Eve, He said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make a helper fit for him. (Genesis 2:18) Eve was created for Adam (and Adam created for her). Part of your role as helper is to walk alongside each other in emotional intimacy. Another part of your role as helper is to express your love for your spouse in some way. For some, it’s poetry or music like in the Scriptures. For others, it’s spending time together or sharing a deep conversation. It could be a gift or a letter that expresses your love for your spouse.
Be intentional about telling your spouse how much you love them. Tell your spouse specific things that you love about them or appreciate about them. Even if you’re not an emotional, expressive person, we are all capable of this on some level. Your spouse deserves to know how you feel, even if you don’t have the perfect words to express it.
At one point in your life, you chose to marry your spouse because you didn’t want to spend the rest of your life without them. You declared a vow to that person saying you’d be faithful for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. In every circumstance, you vowed to stand beside this person no matter what, until death do us part.
Perhaps what your marriage needs is to be reminded of what you love. What is it that attracted you to that person in the first place? As you think of those things, you might be surprised. It could turn into poetry or a love song!